Always take Backup.

Elon

2009-08-24T09:36:00.001-04:00

Wow.

I forgot how much I loved/missed/needed Elon until I was here again.

It's going to be an awesome year.

(:

c.

x-amount

2009-08-15T17:45:00.002-04:00

Four days just turned into unknown x-amount of days, but at least a week or more. I'm so ready to see you now. ):

c.

Coherent

2009-08-09T11:01:00.000-04:00

The past week has been crazy, once again. My computer is currently broken or I'd give you an in-depth post. I hope it doesn't die completely... appointment today. ):

Jack is going to Elon tomorrow. AKA I hate him. And wish I was going to be there. And wish I was there in general. He's only staying a few days but I still wish I could be there because I miss it.

I'm a little scatterbrained. More when I'm coherent. And hopefully when I'm typing on my own computer again.

c.

Wow

2009-08-05T10:26:00.002-04:00

You know when life slaps you in the face in the form of someone you've always trusted? I can't depend on anyone. It's hard to hear/know that you're a.) a petter person than someone, b.) more dependable than someone, and c.) know more about the person you've always trusted, or at least the someone they used to be, and to still hear that the person you've always trusted chooses that other someone over you. Because they're "head over heels" in love with them. The someone who treats you like crap half the time.

Oh well. She knows I'll always be there for her. But I'll never look at her the same ever again.

Hurting today.. I would tell you about Mexico. But I forgot everything that happened after last night. I hope the fall from where you are isn't too hard, love. Because even though I'll be there to catch you, you'll realize then that you ruined something good when you see the look on my face. And that'll make the fall that much harder.

Can't WAIT to get back to Elon. Now, more than ever, every part of me is screaming to get back.

c.

Poor

2009-08-01T17:29:00.000-04:00

I became poor just in time to go to Mexico. I mean... I'll make the money back. But not until I get back to school. Ughhhh.

On that note... I'm leaving for Mexico tomorrow. In celebration of this fact, top ten:

Top Ten Things I Should NOT Do While In Mexico:
-Get kidnapped
-Try to get random Mexicans to pose in photos with me
-Fill a sombrero with churros from the complimentary buffet at the resort
-Make my hotel room into a very similar replication of the beach
-See if my baby brother floats
-Convince the hotel staff I'm famous
-Get MEDORA kidnapped
-Seduce the old men of the resort into giving me their money
-Try to make the kids pool into a party zone
-Try to turn the beach into a nude beach

In other news, I'm going to dinner with my best friend tonight... It's been weeks since we've spent any real time together. Though I believe I'll have internet access in Mexico, I'm going to assume it's going to be limited. Therefore, if I don't get back to you before I leave... I'll talk to you when I get home. (:

Oh, the So You Think You Can Dance finale is this week... here are five of my favorite dances of this season. Watch them... they really really truly are worth viewing:

This dance is about addiction. Kayla is trying to fight off her addiction, Kupono, but as we all know how addiction to abusive substances work, It can't always be like that.

This is with my favorite girl of the season, Jeanine, and one of my favorite boys, Jason... and, coincidentally, this is one of my favorite Jason Mraz songs. It's just so.. beautiful. About two friends afraid to take that first step...

This one's about the abused mistress of a married man... I don't know... it's so good.

Okay.. this is just good. (: Jazzzzz.

And lastly, as much as I DO NOT like Melissa... this dance was amazing. And tear inspiring... about a woman's battle against breast cancer.

I don't only like contemporary dances I promise... Perhaps after this week is over I'll list ONLY dances that aren't contemporary. (:

Mexico!

c.

Policewoman

2009-07-31T21:54:00.000-04:00

"I don't mean this in a bad way... but I don't think you would be a good policewoman."

-Mom, 8:59 p.m.

Alainuh

2009-07-31T21:51:00.000-04:00

V-chatting with Alaina = awesomeface. (:

Broken Strings

2009-07-31T16:28:00.000-04:00

I edited my blog... isn't the new layout pretty? (:

More later probably. Last night, in case you couldn't tell, was beyond frustrating.

c.

So.. I tried embedding the video to Broken Strings by James Morrison but it won't work.

Here's the link: go listen.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Nv3aPcv6dg

Curse Words

2009-07-31T00:10:00.001-04:00

I am about to throw something at a wall.

Duck and cover.

c.

Worddump

2009-07-29T17:54:00.000-04:00

Mood: stressed and worried
Music: Only Human - Jason Mraz
Want: a text/call
Need: a job/money

Everything has been fine up until last night. Being down in San Antonio was so good - it was a break from sitting at home and heart pains. It was the first time I'd spent with Adam and Erin extensively since last summer and I realized how much I missed them. Even though it'll probably be a while before I see them again, I already can't wait until we get to spend time together again. Then being in DC was also a lot of fun... even though there were a few bumps in the road, I hadn't seen Tori since Christmas and I've missed her a ton too. I suppose that's a short synopsis of the past week and a half...

I want to be in South Carolina/North Carolina right now. I need to be.

I'm leaving for Playa del Carmen this weekend... I don't want to go. I just wanna be back at Elon now. I want to hang out with Alaina and Bhriel and see Jack and not feel like I need to spend money. I want I want I want.

And my best friend is still sick. I wish she would get better. I forget how much she means to me sometimes... but she's the greatest person I know.

So You Think You Can Dance made me angry last week...

I don't think Jack did anything wrong... and I wish he could call me, instead of trying to deal with things on his own.

I want to go to see Jason Mraz/Blink 182 in concert... and I can't wait to see Where the Wild Things Are and Alice in Wonderland.

Packing to go back to Elon is going to suck.

I want to be rich and classy now and to have the pretty house in Charleston and not worry about all of this money stuff. And to have the kitten room. <3

I want to get my kitten now because I want someone to snuggle with...

...there is a dump from my thoughts. I can't... be organized until the stress I'm feeling and the hurt in my heart (literal, not emotional.. like sharp stinging pains) goes away. More organization later... I think.

c.

SA

2009-07-21T13:40:00.000-04:00

In San Antonio with Adam and Erin.
Had... a ridiculously fun day yesterday.
What's in store today?

c.

Packed

2009-07-20T00:38:00.001-04:00

Finally packed for San Antonio tomorrow. Even packing for two days is a whole ordeal for me... I need to learn how to pack better.

On the phone with Jack and therefore can't type well. But to sum it up.. I'm excited for tomorrow. (: I'll give a full recounting when I get back.

c.

Details

2009-07-19T11:06:00.000-04:00

Details in the Fabric. Jason Mraz. Love.

I go to San Antonio tomorrow. (: I'm excited to see two friends I haven't seen in a reeallyyy long time. Missing a boy... 2 1/2 hours on the phone at night isn't enough.

Also... everyone needs to go see 500 Days of Summer. I saw it with a group of my favorite people ever and it was so wonderful. So hilarious and so perfect.

c.

Things

2009-07-16T11:50:00.000-04:00

Yes I know I've sucked lately at writing. And I have no excuse. My life hasn't been busy enough to warrant "not enough time" as an excuse as to why I haven't been keeping up with this thing. Probably just my mind has been too active to sit still and write out my thoughts which is unusual for me, because that's my escape, that's my release. Usually.

Things I've learned about myself lately:

1. I'm not afraid of being alone. I'm afraid of being forgotten.

2. I like being in my car by myself. But not for really long periods of time.

3. The way I've practiced "forgive and forget" is never going to be understood by a lot of people.

4. I act a lot less emotional lately, but I'm also crying at books and movies a lot.

5. I really, really like when people call me "C" for some reason.

6. I miss my Elon friends a lot more than I thought I would. And Elon. In general.

7. I worry my mother a lot more than I think I do.

8. Though it's bad for me, I forget lately that I haven't actually eaten anything.

9. Nonetheless, I've gained 6 pounds since I got home from camp. Only 7 more to go before I reach my goal weight. (: This is to say... I know what to eat to make myself gain HEALTHY weight.

10. I am not going to do well going back to a twin bed in the fall.

11. I think I would be a lot prettier if I wasn't this small.

12. The desire to be cuddled with takes over me a lot of the time.

13. I don't drink as much as I used to. And by that I just mean water... I don't have the desire to consume liquids like water and milk as much as normal. (Dehydrationlove)

14. I would rather be able to dance than to have any other talent, ever.

15. Apparently everyone thinks either Jack or I were kicked out of camp and that's why we left? I can give you guys the full explanation if you want. I promise. Neither of us was kicked out. I had to leave and Jack left to take care of me. Ask for the story if you need it.

Things I've done lately:

1. Discovered the small window in my room can open. And that people can fit through it.

2. Sat in line for four hours with my favorites before watching Harry Potter. It was a perfect day/night. (:

3. Gone to the rodeo with Kyndal A LOT.

4. Drove out to Huawni with Whitney and Claire and saw all of my loves again. Then, decided eleven o clock was the perfect time to drive back home. And didn't get in until four in the morning. At that point, sleep seemed ludicrous to me. So I stayed up and talked to Jeff and Adam via facebook chat.

5. Watched Jeff roll his own cigarettes?

6. Never missed an episode of So You Think You Can Dance.

7. Ihop. Three in the morning. Medora and Beebs.

8. Went to the lake with Megan and the Bowdon family and surrogates and had a "stranded in the middle of the lake five miles from home" adventure.

9. Snowconessnowconessnowcones.

10. Worked on the idea for my tattoo... it's going to rock.

11. Worked at the Bowdons and made money to hang out at my best friend's place (and clean, bah).

12. Met an old friend for lunch and been able to catch up.

13. Worked on watching all of Gossip Girl seasons one and two so my friends won't abandon me this next year.

14. Looked forward to my three upcoming fabulous trips. (:

15. Been trapped inside my own head and needed to get out... missed you.

A more introspective post is coming soon. I need to move past the ridiculousness that was last night before I can be serious again. And then I will tell you what I've really been thinking. I love you..

againdamnit

2009-07-07T01:40:00.001-04:00

even though i'm sad a little right now i'm going to do things RIGHT this time. i'm a big girl and i need to stop being selfish and wanting what i'm wanting and not compromising for whats actually better for me all the time. i can be happy without having everything i want.

in other news... hayley and i are making cloaks tomorrow for the nine of us to where to harry potter. we're all losers and i effing LOVE IT.

more when i'm not falling asleep.

Musings

2009-07-03T02:57:00.000-04:00

5 a.m. musings.

What would I use to remind myself of who I was? This involves the lumberjacks... elaborate more later.

My heart pounding in my chest faster than normal, every day since April, is a blessing in disguise. It's still beating, which is always a blessing. It's a sign of life, one that should be cherished and adored. I hate that I hate it. I hate that it's also a reminder of sickness and disease and that it's forced me to and from things I want.

Jack half asleep next to me, mind in a far different place from mine, we argue less than we ever have and know how to fix things. I hope this plays out well and isn't just a side effect of living in the same house and seeing each other all hours of the day for over a month now. I'm hoping we're not just forcing ourselves to be happy spending time with one another. He leaves tomorrow. I won't see him for a month and a half. I hate it more than anything. I'm not used to not seeing him for that long. I know he'll hate it and be frustrated if I'm mopey and sad tomorrow. I know he'll hate it when I cry. I still am pretty sure I will. I'm trying to decide whether or not I'll force myself to be less emotional on the outside.

Confused, memories of the past floating in and out of my consciousness, mixed between a desire for attention and an overactive mind, analyzing, thinking, feeling all the different things going on around me. Some of these memories used to make me sad. Now they make me nostalgic. Maybe I'm wondering how things might have played out differently or if I hadn't said or done certain things or branched out or left behind certain people or defied certain expectations or doubted or changed or bettered myself. But I like memories. I like that I had those times and experiences. And I like where I am in life right now. I just don't like where I am in my head a lot of times.

How can I convince my mom to let me move back to Elon early? There are many reasons why I want those two weeks before classes start. A lot of them are Bhriel, Alaina, and of course, Jack.

As usual, as of late, do I really want this tattoo? It's going to hurt... it will be there forever... what will my dad say... will people understand the expansive meaning behind it... will they see that its such a perfect representation of me and my life like I do... will it hurt me in the long run... what are the long term effects... and most importantly, am I overanalyzing everything?

I wanna be at camp. Simple as that. I will never forgive myself for not handling things differently. It still makes me cry to think about it. Even though I know it was the best decision in the long run.

How do I love everyone around me? Do I love everyone around me? How can I show that? I want to be honest about it. I don't want to force myself to love without a heart that's really inclined to love. What exactly is love? Do I even have a clear understanding of what that means?

Everything makes so much more sense when I right it out. Wow.

Lastly, I need to use my new camera more.

Jack's awake. Someone to talk to.

Too Much

2009-06-24T18:00:00.000-04:00

I'm home. It hurts a little. I'll talk more about it later... this week has and will continue to be crazy crazy emotional.

Had to leave suddenly from camp for summer to go home yesterday...

Doctors today..

Megan's surgery tomorrow and a difficult day in general. No anger. Just memories...

Visiting camp Sunday only to have to leave again...

and then Jack's going home Monday and I won't see him for at least a month... ): I don't want to be away from my boy for that long. I'm legitimately sneaking away to South Carolina. Anyone who wants to come to help me move in to my apartment early can. I don't want him to leave...

I'll be okay though. I'm getting healthy slowly. Very very slowly.

More later. <3

Happy

2009-06-02T09:03:00.000-04:00

It's the day before I leave for Huawni and my list of things to do is longer than the list of things I need to get which is already long enough. It's not like I waited until the last minute... it's that there's been SO MUCH stuff to do. It makes me exhausted. And yes. I'm typing on here while complaining about all the stuff I have to do.

Jack gets here in six-ish hours. (:

And then the next few days consist of me returning to my favorite place in the world, and falling in love with it and the people within it all over again. I don't think I've been this happy about anything in a year. In fact... I know I haven't been this happy in a year.

I left Huawni on such an awful note last year. I was in a state where I was neglecting to realize that Camp is the only place that can truly heal me, and I tried to get away from it so fast, and as soon as I was home I realized that what I thought was hurting me further was actually the one thing I needed to really truly heal. I'm ready to show people at camp that they do mean everything to me, that I'm sorry for neglecting them the last week of last summer, and ready to get back to the one place that's always been the biggest haven for me. It's helped me get through huge things in my life... it helped me get through some of the toughest stuff ever in my early years and slowly helped build me to who I am today. And I CAN'T WAIT to be back. (:

There's nothing going wrong in my life right now. I have the best friends in the entire world... I have no outstanding negative relationships with anyone... I've regained some people whom I though were lost from my life and I've let go of the people who were only hurting me and pulling me away from the ultimate peace I was seeking. I've found it.

My favorite boy is about to be here... I get to spend the whole summer again with my favorite girl... I see my other favorite boy in three days for the first time in six months and I'm with my real true family all over again. This is gonna kill.

I think I'm required to go buy sterilizer or something. One end of the house is quarantined in sickness. Ew.

If I don't post again before I leave tomorrow... I'll see you all whenever I have time to update. Note.. it will be sparingly.

ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS <3

2:32

2009-05-31T01:33:00.001-04:00

If things are going wrong in my life right now, I don't know about them. I have every reason to be perfectly happy. And I think I am... I'm just tired, I guess, and when I'm tired I always want more.

Ever since I've been home I've been doing something with someone every day to try and get in as much time with my favorite group of people before I'm whisked away to the magic of east Texas (literally, there's a magic here people), and thus I haven't had much time to be still. I learn the most when I'm still. That's why, in sweet times right now, when I'm lying on my anthropologie comforter staring up at the familiar ceiling, I feel like everything hits me all at once.

What decisions did I make this year? Were they the best for me? Have I learned something from every major decision and have the choices I've made shaped me into a better person than who I was before? I feel like it's been a year of soul searching and identity crisis. I did some things that were sorta dumb and realized what I do and do not want to do as a college student. I realize what I like and what I don't like, and what's gonna make me a better person and what's not. I'm a pretty smart girl.. I'm led by emotions half the time, but there's gotta be room for logic too, and I make that.

I've gotten to the point where I can't stand arguing anymore. The only person I fight with is Jack and we haven't fought in two months probably. I used to be famous for it... but now whenever someone wants to fight, I'll just be quiet until they finish ranting and then try to move on or change subject. I haven't raised my voice in weeks. I left Megan's house last night because it was her first night in and immediately, due to stress and tired-ness, she suddenly felt the need to be angry with me. I asked her if she wanted help unpacking and if she didn't that I'd let her have her alone time. Medora was yelling at me the other day, and though the stubborn streak in me stays, I calmly held my own opinion until she left and she was able to be away from the moment before calming down and coming back to talk with me. I just... don't do fighting anymore. I'm not sure if this is a good or bad thing yet. Time will tell. Though I know my now intolerant-towards-conflict nature may hurt me eventually.

I miss Elon a lot and the life I had gotten comfortable with there, but I also haven't wanted to go back since I've been home. I absolutely love Plano, as much as anyone else can argue that they hate it. I just miss Alaina and Bhriel a lot and they crazy things we do together... and of course, I miss Jack a lot and the every day we spent together.

Thankfully, he'll be here in a little over two days, and we'll be together all summer again.

In other news... I am now the owner of the most beautiful Nikon D40 in the world...

..and the not-owner of a packed room ready for camp. Tonight's practically my last night to pack. Damn my laziness.

Camp Huawni begins in less than four days for me now, and I don't think I've ever been more excited for anything in the whole wide world. I'm ready to see my new CIT loves, and my little brother Pricey, and my best friend Matty, and my BFFLED, and my other loves like Mat and Ross and Conrad and all the campers and a whole bunch of other people that I can't even name because if I say everyone's names I'm gonna get jittery. I need to go pack...

scratch that I need sleep.

Plano

2009-05-26T13:09:00.000-04:00

As I type, I'm sprawled across my anthropologie bedspread on my full-sized bed, with soothing greens and dramatic gold and blacks all around me, with clean carpeted floors and the vines partially obscuring my view to the street outside through the window beside me. My plans for today include blogging, decorating, and music. I might paint a little or go read my book in the hammock. Tonight I'll be spending time at my best friend's house with my second family and my awesome friend Janielle. I slept so late today because I was up late with about fifteen of my closest friends so I could spend a little bit of time left with Daven before he went back to Korea this morning. I fell asleep with my hair wet because we were spending time in the pool, and tomorrow we'll watch So You Think You Can Dance at Karla's house. Megan comes home on Friday and my mom bought me $70 perfume yesterday. I haven't paid for many of my own meals in the past week.

In short... I love Plano.

I did a lot of learning while I was at Elon, and I know I'll continue to learn as soon as I'm back there in the fall. And it's strange, but I've done a lot of learning since I've been home, too. I'm so so so happy to be here, but without school to distract me, some things have been on my mind. I've been with my friends every night (almost) since I've been home and it's taken me a year to learn that I'm never going to have a group of friends as good as this group ever again. We're an unstoppable force. No one that I met at school has a friendship that can...

so I started this yesterday morning when Janielle suddenly called and needed me to come jump her car. And I rediscovered it now. Except I'm sleepy and my tummy hurts, so... I'll continue this later.

Home

2009-05-25T11:02:00.000-04:00

Wow, neglect extreme... I'm home in Plano and have been for a week. It's the most wonderful thing ever. (:

I'll give a full report later this evening.

5:30 a.m.

2009-05-14T05:22:00.000-04:00

It's 5:30 AM and I'm still not tired. Jack left about thirty minutes ago to catch some sleep before his 8 AM exam. My exam isn't until 11:30. I know I have time to nap, but I'm not tired and my mind is running one thousand miles a second. It's moving too fast to even put here what I'm feeling and want to say. Does any of this make any sense?

I'm think I'm prepared for my exam. I hope I am. My mom will be disappointed if I fail. Isn't that the saddest thing ever?

I'm gonna not be on blogger and not waste my time and do productive things instead. I just wish I had company to cutely scold me whenever I'm not doing work.

If you're reading this... what are you most looking forward to in the next few weeks? Tell me about it. And since, then, you'll be commenting anyways, what are good kitten names? I'm getting one next year.

Stabby

2009-05-13T18:21:00.001-04:00

My entire room is caving in. And somehow, I have to catch everything as it falls into boxes and bags and somehow fit almost all of that into my car... Help. ):

In other news, I'm back in Plano in five days. If I curl up in a little ball and wait instead of taking finals and doing projects and packing, will everything move faster? Will I be home sooner?

I'm not cut out to have this kind of upheaval. Everything is supposed to come my way slowly. I can do gradual change... I don't like it, but I can do it. Yet, just like always, change has a way of walking up and punching me in the face.

About to abandon this packing ritual for the library.

Feeling stabby.

Safe

2009-05-11T14:25:00.000-04:00

I just had a mini-breakdown.

Torrential crisis averted with 3 musketeers and warm sweatshirts.

Mimi

2009-05-11T11:10:00.000-04:00

23 days until more of this. (:

I love Mimi Jacobie.

Huawni in 23 days, folks.

Nine

2009-05-09T12:58:00.000-04:00

I'll be home in nine days. That's right.. Plano in nine days.

To try and get my mind off of all the things that must be accomplished by next Saturday, I'm instead going to concentrate on all of the things I want to do in the seventeen days I'm home before I leave for Huawni.

-Stalk PCA Juniors, Sophomores, Freshman and Faculty since they'll still be in class when I get home.

-Bring Medora food to school for lunch because my sister's awesome.

-Late night Starbucks talks.

-Family dinner with my lifegroup family <3

-Snow Cone Lady

-Pei Wei

-Mi Cocina

-Photoshoot in Arbor Hills

-GRADUATION! (tear-inducing)

-Gooey's/Paciugo AHH

-SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE

-Lake trip please.

-Sprinkles

-Cupcake making

-Charlie Bartlett with Janielle and whomever chooses to join us.

-Dinner and family nights with Momma and Medora

-TWIN FAMILY DINNER

-Girl's night please

-Bowdon clean-up project with Kyndal/Cassidy

-Cafe Brazil

-Nights where we all (and you know who you are) get together with no plans at the Hollabaughs/Karlas/Hayleys/whenever, wherever, and everything is somehow absolutely the best ever.

I miss you guys so much. Nine days. It's making me teary-eyed thinking about how much I miss my PCA kids and how awesome it's going to be to see them again.

Freshman

2009-05-07T14:27:00.000-04:00

I am still so swamped with work. However, I'll take a little break now during theatre to write to you guys.

My freshman year of college is over in nine days. Completely and totally over. I'll be 1/4th of the way through college. If I wanted to be inappropriate here, I'd say, "Holy shi..." This terrifies/excites/befuddles me in ways that are far too complicated to attempt to explain on a blog. This year has held so many things... it's been the year of biggest change in my life. So, without further ado, my freshman year...

My freshman year of college, I...

...made a mess of this room more often than it was clean, but had the faces of everyone I love plastered ALL over the walls.

...lost possession of this hat for three months when Jack stole it and loved my roommate Jenna and bestie Alaina.

...somehow became even more of an indie kid than I already am.

...welcomed this bright bundle of joy into my life and into the world, my baby brother, Rylan.

...did some crazy things with the people in my hall first semester, until we all unfortunately went our separate ways for the most part.

...became Firefly's most photographed model, and had my face plastered on the walls in a high-fashion boutique.

...got in over my head with this boy.

...got hit by fifty million snowballs in my first real snow day.

...tried sledding and failed.

...rediscovered the eighties and a whole new meaning to the song "You Can Have Whatever You Like."

...got bit by a vampire and saw Twilight at midnight. More than once.

....became good friends with the cute lady in the middle. (:

...was beyond frustrated at work, but still somehow fell in love with about a hundred little black kids.

...did some things I really should have never done.

...wore headbands and spent more than one hippie moment out on that lawn.

...fell absolutely in love with A.B.C.

...missed my sister. A lot.

...changed in ways that I'd always wanted to change but was too afraid to try.

...dyed my hair progressively lighter and lighter. And finally, returned to blonde.

...lost weight that I couldn't afford to lose and was sick a lot.

...misplaced every pair of sunglasses I ever possessed and colored with chalk a lot.

... liked him way more than I should.

...visited Savannah four times and loved this fantastic boy!

...got in more physical fights than anyone I know, and was told by Brad that I'm simply naturally aggressive, even though I break myself every time I fight.

...stopped having panic attacks.

...colored this jacket with Jack and rediscovered the scene kid side of me.

...said things that I never should have said and hurt him a lot.

...spent a lot of time in the WSOE radio station.

...learned the hand motions to "I'm the world's GREATEST" and performed them.. a million times.

...visited Ben at Liberty with the Hollabaughs to avoid a painful Valentine's day on campus.

...was apart from my best friend in the whole entire world longer than we'd ever, ever been apart from one another.

...bought a onesie and wore it in the snow.

...spent time in the woods with Alexa.

...got this ridiculous face a lot and was blissfully happy for the first time since summer.

...promised him something in exchange for this that I don't regret one bit.

...was an outlaw fairy.

...dressed up scary and bloody with my roommate for the haunted house.

...terrified some children.

...wore this shirt more often than him.

...bought a butterfly net.

...experienced fall for the first time.

...got a visit from my best friend for my birthday!

...danced when I was supposed to be playing kickball.

...found my new roommate in the best orientation group ever.

...developed a HUGE crush on the lead singer of Boys Like Girls.

...danced my heart out all the time.

...reinforced my crush on Shaant from Cute Is What We Aim For.

...went to like five or six concerts that differ quite a lot from the concerts I went to in Plano.

...fell in love with the group of boys that bought me this cake.

...got offered alcohol at Olive Garden on my nineteenth birthday.

...taught everyone I know the hustle.

...healed a broken heart, sliced the seams a few times, but ultimately discovered I'm still learning how to be completely happy... all while still getting hurt physically more than anyone I know.

...missed/needed/wanted these people more than I expected. I'm slowly starting to realize how ultimately, completely blessed I was in high school. No group of people will ever be the same to me as lifegroup. I now know they embodied perfection.

...discovered KELLY.

...made one of my best friends at Elon after she had participated in a Tour de Franzia when she bought me a pizza.

....wished I spent more time with Laura.

...broke my best friends computer, amongst hundreds of my own posessions.

...spent a lot of time in this room.

...knew that this spoon was very very important.

...spent a crazy weekend in this cabin with my ten favorite Elon-ites.

...gained a wonderful, wonderful best friend, even though neither of us deserves to be each other's best friend.

Plano in eleven days. More later. It's work time.

Help

2009-05-05T18:35:00.001-04:00

Don't kill me, I'll update soon.. there's just so much, so much to do... ask anyone. It's not me avoiding blogging. It's me desperately digging my way out of the mountain of schoolwork to get to the light that is free time.

Soon, promise.

No

2009-04-27T04:07:00.000-04:00

I can't believe this is still happening to me.

Arm

2009-04-24T08:10:00.000-04:00

Ben thinks I have a hairline fracture in my arm. I think it's just sprained. It's wrapped up for now. We'll see.

Who knows what this weekends a'gonna bring.

Right now I'm stuck in the worst class in existance.

Jack Ruley is no longer my best friend because he broke a pinky promise.

c.

Status

2009-04-23T15:20:00.000-04:00

I know it's really lame. I don't care if you laugh at me or tell me how ridiculous I am, or anything of that nature. However, I update my facebook status frequently. Not only that, I'm freakishly nostalgic... I keep any and every little memento. So since facebook used to have a mini-feed option (that changed this week, which I'm super mad about) where you can only see your status updates sans comments. So I've been saving my status updates since last summer in a word document. Last summer was sort of a turnover point in my life... some sucky things happened, I had finished high school and I was moving on to college... it was a new page in more ways than one, and I wanted to document my journey.

Today is April 23rd, 2009. Here is what I was doing on this day of each month since last July when my real, new journey started.

July 18 (FIRST ENTRY) -

Celeste Elizabeth is finally home from camp, beaten and bruised... and doesn't really know what to do about it. How is this new journey going to go? Can I really do this?11:39pm

July 23 -

Celeste Elizabeth loves being joyful. (: At Megbee's until further notice.9:43pm

Celeste Elizabeth hasn't ACTUALLY abandoned you, Matty. Dominick's right... I love you too much for that, haha.11:59am

Celeste Elizabeth is ignoring every question in her inbox... at least for today. Today, she just wants to be happy.9:27am

Celeste Elizabeth is more happy than she would have believed at this point. Falling asleep wrapped up in my favorite blanket... big day tomorrow. (:.12:26am

August 23 -

Celeste Elizabeth is finally getting her MUD night. (: Over at Megbee's.7:29pm Comment

Celeste Elizabeth is packing things into boxes. I'm coming to Pwood tomorrow! (: Tell me to come visit you!5:46pm Comment

Celeste Elizabeth really hurts and can't BELIEVE someone would stoop that low.12:05am Comment

September 23 -

Celeste Elizabeth was looking at new and old Fury pictures today and almost started crying.Sep 23rd roundabouts 5:45 in the evenin'

Celeste Elizabeth is a roly poly.Sep 23rd roundabouts 1:58 in the evenin'

Celeste Elizabeth will be at the doctor until this afternoon. But I get to see Medora this weekend!!! I miss my sister lots.Sep 23rd roundabouts 11:31 in the mornin'

Celeste Elizabeth is sickkkk. Being sick and having five page papers to write are not fun combinations.Sep 23rd roundabouts 10:35 in the mornin'

October 23 -

Celeste Elizabeth is finally back at her "home" in Elon. I'm falling in love with this place. Oct 23rd at 1:16pm

November 23 -

Celeste Elizabeth thinks Harry Potter Marathons with stellar people are too stellar for kicks. Plano in only three days.Sunday at 7:03pm

Celeste Elizabeth is getting rid of bad habits.Sunday at 10:56pm

December 23 -

Celeste Elizabeth is actually a peacock. December 23 at 7:49pm

Celeste Elizabeth is going dancing tonight; meet me at the clubbb, kids.December 23 at 4:00pm

Celeste Elizabeth will tell you the tale of Desperaux if you want her to... I've become a master at it. (:.December 23 at 11:44am

January 23 -

Celeste Elizabeth thinks this whole baking thing may be a bad idea..... we'll see. (:.January 23 at 12:28am

Celeste Elizabeth is done with Class for Winter term. (:.January 23 at 7:18pm

February 23 -

Celeste Elizabeth psyches herself out, again. It's over... for real. You can't have the past. Let's make the future worth something.February 23 at 5:10pm

Celeste Elizabeth is on facebook in class because her teacher told her to be; in other news, my fingers are bleeding again.February 23 at 11:20am

March 23 -

Celeste Elizabeth "The South is often shrouded in romance and myth, but its realities are as intriguing, as intricate, as its legends."March 23 at 8:05pm

Celeste Elizabeth maybe gets to see Megaboo today. Lots of driving, lalala.March 23 at 2:20pm

Celeste Elizabeth had lots of fun with Jack at the aquarium yesterday. March 23 at 10:30am

April 23 -

Celeste Elizabeth Beautiful sunshine-y day. Texas on my mind. Plano soon... and then the most wonderful place in the world in only 41 days. I only have three more weeks to get through. April 23 at 3:30pm

I can't wait to go home. <3

Texas

2009-04-22T09:45:00.000-04:00

There's only 25.. maybe 24 days 'til I'm back in the lone star state. I wish I was there this week with all the theatre kids... seriously. My heart hurts. I haven't been in Texas since January 2... and I wish I was there more than anything today.

This is the only song I wanna listen to this week, ha. I like to pretend like they're singing it to me. Also, the pictures are cute.

The best thing? He sings about Denton county... which is where my school is located. He's really really singing about my home. And I miss it. <3

And yeah, the mexican food really does suck north of Texas. Hmph.

IT'S NOT FUNNY

2009-04-21T12:50:00.000-04:00

This is Alaina and I attempting to study for theatre in Octogan when KEV NEWMAN shows up. We have this test in thirty minutes... crap.....

also...

Family

2009-04-20T12:21:00.000-04:00

My family was in town this weekend. (:

I hadn't seen my mom and sister since January 2, and I grew up in a house with three girls my entire life, so we're super close. It's been weird being away from them. Medora, Tamytha and I are best friends. Honestly.

My sister informed my mother that I am a sad college student and that she looked in my closet and I don't have nearly enough awesome clothes. I believe the exact quote was, "I know I complain about not having enough clothes, but I feel privileged after looking into sister's closet." A.) It's cute that Medora still doesn't say my name and calls me sister instead. B.) Something that may or may not have been an insult from my sister resulted in lots of new outfits purchased by my mother, as well as FINALLY getting a pair of Rainbows. I'm so hard on shoes, I'm surprised no one bought them for me before now. They're my favorite.

We had a birthday party for my best boy Jack on Friday night. There were glowsticks and dancing and glowstick mess... I felt bad, but it was SO pretty! I wish I could have taken a picture of it, but I couldn't figure out how to capture it with my camera without making it blurry or using the flash. But it was nice to have my sister hang out with my around my friends here at school, kind of incorporating my "home" world and my "college" world together.

They had to leave super early Sunday morning. And after my all-nighter Thursday night, five hours of sleep on Friday night, and shopping all day Saturday, I was ready to go to bed early. So I said goodbye to them then. I'm sad they had to leave... 27 days til I'm home with them again. <3

So, Jack and I have come to a mutual decision that we're the weirdest set of friends ever... our relationship is crazy. If we had a Twitter, it would look something like this:

4:30 - listening to metal

4:32 - listening to anberlin

4:36 - listening to metal

4:37 - listening to quietdrive... metal... quietdrive...

4:39 - fighting

4:42 - listening to metal

4:45 - turned off metal to go inside and watch the food network...

4:50 - fighting

4:53 - tickling

4:55 - fighting

5:00 - tickle fighting

5:15 - jack ignores me saying i'm hungry to play a scary video game

5:20 - make cookies

5:45 - go buy more glowsticks

5:50 - almost die

6:30 - we say we've spent too much time together today

7:00 - movietime

9:00 - celeste go home

2:00 a.m. - call from jack. wanna go on an adventure?

2:15 a.m. - WAL-MART

2:20 a.m. - jack, you don't need any more movies

2:25 a.m. - celeste, you dont need any more juice

2:26 a.m. - fighting

2:27 a.m. - find bubbles

4:00 a.m. - okay... we'll really sleep now... maybe...

Today's his birthday. Happy Birthday best friend! (: Celebrating with him later tonight... maybe I'll buy him a balloon or something.

I pulled ANOTHER all-nighter last night. The second in four days. I'm probably going to die.

Now I'm going to work with lots of little rambunctious children.

Joy, joy, joy, joy, down in my heart....

MOMMY AND SISSY

2009-04-17T11:53:00.001-04:00

MAH FAMILY WILL BE HURR IN TWO HOURS!!

I hasn't seen them since New Years. <3

Babies!

2009-04-16T13:28:00.000-04:00

Determined to be the first retailer to sell everything, Wal-mart is now selling babies. (:

Dig List 1

2009-04-16T10:55:00.000-04:00

Things I'm really really digging right now:

pralines
planning for Alaina, Laura, Lauren and I's apartment next year.
Really old Fall Out Boy... as lame as that probably is.
Exactly 31 days until I go home!!
Camp Huawni in 49 days!
Preparing to tell Jack how to pack for Camp Huawni.. I'm already making a list.
Jolly Rancher Fruit Chews
Saving money to buy that absolutely beautiful French Connection dress I modeled in my latest Firefly Photoshoot.
ONE DAY WITHOUT SHOES: http://media.tomsshoes.com/oneday
GirlTalk!
Questionable Content
Castle
My iPhone
e.e. cummings
summer summer summer
WARM WARM WARM

Barefoot

2009-04-16T09:52:00.000-04:00

Today I'm going barefoot. If at all possible, I will not be wearing shoes for the majority of the day, despite the less than warm weather.

Fact #1: In some developing nations, children must walk for miles to food, clean water and to seek medical help.
Fact #2: Cuts and sores on feet can lead to serious infection.
Fact #3: Often, children cannot attend school barefoot.
Fact #4: In Ethiopia, approximately one million people are suffering from Podoconiosis, a debilitating and disfiguring disease caused by walking barefoot in volcanic soil.
Fact #5: Podoconiosis is 100% preventable by wearing shoes.

Also, as soon as I have the money to be able to afford a pair, I'll be purchasing a pair of TOMS shoes off of their website. TOMS matches every pair of shoes with another pair that they'll send off to kids in Ethiopia. I know they're expensive, but I also know that part of that money is going to be going out to kids who really need it, much more than I need to order another Starbucks Passion Tea Lemonade (sweetened, light ice).

On another note, my family is coming tomorrow. I haven't seen my mother or Medora since January 2. And since they are probably my favorite people in the whole entire world, I'm very excited. I didn't get to go home to Texas once this semester, and everyone else I know has been able to go home. So, I hope they are in good moods when they get here.

Hopefully, by the time they get here, the stress from my horrifying stats test and class registration will be over by tomorrow.

Also, I'm getting a kitten for next fall. Anyone have awesome kitten name ideas?

Conscious

2009-04-15T08:10:00.000-04:00

I'm so so so so tired. I stayed up late watching Firefly and then talking to Brendan. Whom is awesome.

I have no sleep. I got no sleep... I was able to capture no sleep with my sleep catching net.

More when I'm conscious.

Easter

2009-04-14T15:00:00.000-04:00

Okay.

Move on.

I was in Georgia for three nights this past weekend... it was quite crazy. There are too many things to easily talk about, but there were marshmallows, and easter dresses, and photoshoots, and BB guns, and cows, and a cabin in the middle of nowhere, and a golf cart, and a mattress in the water.

If I think of anything to tell you, I'll let you know. You know how something is so eventful that it's really difficult to talk about it later?

I got covered all over with chalk this weekend. Literally, Bhriel and Alaina made me a canvas. And we had a dance party. And I got sick, but what else is new. And I tipped Jack over. Life was good.

Also, I listened to the Bedlight for Blue Eyes version of "Jumper" by Third Eye Blind all weekend. And I have a weird random bruise on my hip bone that I'm thoroughly confused about.

My thoughts on this weekend are scattered. I'm generally a scattered person right now, but I promise to try and make this all better soon.

Sad Things

2009-04-13T22:57:00.000-04:00

Sad things always happen to me.

I really want someone to call me and tell me they want to go get milkshakes with me tonight.

dresses

2009-04-10T13:18:00.001-04:00

I want more sundresses. This one is only 22 dollars, and I'm so poor I can't afford it. I wear the few sundresses that I have non-stop. Someone buy me cute clothes! If anyone is generous and wants to buy me cute clothes, i.e. dresses, you can just ask me and I have an entire list of dresses I want. That's all I want from here on out. Meggie gave me some cute shorts so now I just need dresses.

Back to packing, planning, awesoming.

Slide

2009-04-10T12:41:00.000-04:00

This song is so beautiful. It's the only song I've felt like listening to since Jack played it in my car this morning. It's about a situation that's so achingly real for so many people... and to top it all off, John Rzeznik is super pretty in a 90s sort of way, I don't even care what you think.

I'm heading out to Georgia this weekend to stay at my dad's cabin with a bunch of friends. We leave in about two hours, and it feels a little stressful. But it won't matter soon... tomorrow's Shake The World (stwpictures.com) and then Sunday, Megan, Bradley, and Patrick-Patty-Poo are coming out to the cabin to visit. Could things get better? No sir.

Also, I'm having a mental dilemma lately. I don't know what to do about it?

Also... if someone wants to get me more socks, please do. I'm broke and need socks.

See you all on Monday.

Pralines and Wild Things

2009-04-09T13:23:00.000-04:00

Mom Bowdon sent me an easter present which I got today. It's a tower of chocolates, in the bottom of which is PRALINES. Thanks to my best friend Megan for informing your [my] mom what my favorite thing ever at Savannah Candy factory. What is it exactly that makes us think nuts packed into melted sugar is just so good? They're easily one of the most unhealthy things ever. When I was younger, I would ask my mom to purchase pralines for me at my favorite Mexican food restaurant, Mi Cocina, and then pick out the pecans. I've since learned to appreciate them. Yet, nonetheless, they're simply nuts in caramelized sugar. I shouldn't question it though... they're one of God's greatest gifts to man.

IN OTHER NEWS.

Julia Sayers just brought this up while I've been sitting in the WSOE radio station being a guest host on "A and J Say Hey" Radio show... but if you haven't watched this yet... do it now.

I would go so far as to say Where the Wild Things Are was one of my favorite books in my childhood years. I have a copy of it here at college with me. When I heard it was being made into a movie, I was a little beyond ecstatic. I sincerely recommend watching the trailer, and then seeing the movie when it comes out.

Flannel

2009-04-08T13:45:00.000-04:00

So we're taking a "Elon Family" trip out to Georgia this weekend. Since it's Easter weekend we'll have extra time off... when we decided that around ten of us would head out there, and we be spending time out in the woods, the boys seemed to find it necessary that they purchase flannel since apparently that's what people wear in the woods.

Jack, Max, John, and Brian have all purchased flannel already, and apparently I'm supposed to wear my indie-kid flannel this weekend. However, does anyone else notice that this flannel shirt is an XXL on my not quite so XXL boy? And that he's wearing a Lil' Wayne GIRLS style T-shirt from hot topic?

I tried. I could fit inside that flannel shirt at the same time as him.

Oh Lordy.

In other news... Prof. Patch isn't accepting my edited essay instead of the unedited one I accidentally sent her. I'll still get an A but there's no way she'll select me for the showcase now. Sad panda.

Brad McGlasson 2

2009-04-07T18:16:00.001-04:00

On another note... Brad McGlasson is a wonderful human being whom I enjoy going to Denny's with at four in the morning.

(This is to make up for the negative view I presented of Brad in my last post.)

Brad McGlasson

2009-04-07T16:48:00.000-04:00

I should remember for future reference to never blog about anything Brad McGlasson tells me to blog about.

Continued

2009-04-07T14:50:00.000-04:00

"Oh, this is the start of something good, don't you agree?" - Gaven Degraw

Elon is cold today, and it makes me angry, because Jack, Bhriel, and I, as well as frequent visitors spent all day outside on a blanket on Saturday, acting silly and laying in the sun. Today I wore a sweater all day and hurried from one building to the next. Does this not make anyone else angry?

And I have to go to Anderson Cooper tonight. And my fireflies essay got deleted. I cried for a little while about it. If I can somehow recover it, I want to post it here.

Am I supposed to talk about myself in the opener of a new blog?