Song of the Day:
Broken Strings by James Morrison
Broken Strings by James Morrison
Sunday, May 31, 2009
2:32
If things are going wrong in my life right now, I don't know about them. I have every reason to be perfectly happy. And I think I am... I'm just tired, I guess, and when I'm tired I always want more.
Ever since I've been home I've been doing something with someone every day to try and get in as much time with my favorite group of people before I'm whisked away to the magic of east Texas (literally, there's a magic here people), and thus I haven't had much time to be still. I learn the most when I'm still. That's why, in sweet times right now, when I'm lying on my anthropologie comforter staring up at the familiar ceiling, I feel like everything hits me all at once.
What decisions did I make this year? Were they the best for me? Have I learned something from every major decision and have the choices I've made shaped me into a better person than who I was before? I feel like it's been a year of soul searching and identity crisis. I did some things that were sorta dumb and realized what I do and do not want to do as a college student. I realize what I like and what I don't like, and what's gonna make me a better person and what's not. I'm a pretty smart girl.. I'm led by emotions half the time, but there's gotta be room for logic too, and I make that.
I've gotten to the point where I can't stand arguing anymore. The only person I fight with is Jack and we haven't fought in two months probably. I used to be famous for it... but now whenever someone wants to fight, I'll just be quiet until they finish ranting and then try to move on or change subject. I haven't raised my voice in weeks. I left Megan's house last night because it was her first night in and immediately, due to stress and tired-ness, she suddenly felt the need to be angry with me. I asked her if she wanted help unpacking and if she didn't that I'd let her have her alone time. Medora was yelling at me the other day, and though the stubborn streak in me stays, I calmly held my own opinion until she left and she was able to be away from the moment before calming down and coming back to talk with me. I just... don't do fighting anymore. I'm not sure if this is a good or bad thing yet. Time will tell. Though I know my now intolerant-towards-conflict nature may hurt me eventually.
I miss Elon a lot and the life I had gotten comfortable with there, but I also haven't wanted to go back since I've been home. I absolutely love Plano, as much as anyone else can argue that they hate it. I just miss Alaina and Bhriel a lot and they crazy things we do together... and of course, I miss Jack a lot and the every day we spent together.
Thankfully, he'll be here in a little over two days, and we'll be together all summer again.
In other news... I am now the owner of the most beautiful Nikon D40 in the world...
..and the not-owner of a packed room ready for camp. Tonight's practically my last night to pack. Damn my laziness.
Camp Huawni begins in less than four days for me now, and I don't think I've ever been more excited for anything in the whole wide world. I'm ready to see my new CIT loves, and my little brother Pricey, and my best friend Matty, and my BFFLED, and my other loves like Mat and Ross and Conrad and all the campers and a whole bunch of other people that I can't even name because if I say everyone's names I'm gonna get jittery. I need to go pack...
scratch that I need sleep.
c.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Plano
As I type, I'm sprawled across my anthropologie bedspread on my full-sized bed, with soothing greens and dramatic gold and blacks all around me, with clean carpeted floors and the vines partially obscuring my view to the street outside through the window beside me. My plans for today include blogging, decorating, and music. I might paint a little or go read my book in the hammock. Tonight I'll be spending time at my best friend's house with my second family and my awesome friend Janielle. I slept so late today because I was up late with about fifteen of my closest friends so I could spend a little bit of time left with Daven before he went back to Korea this morning. I fell asleep with my hair wet because we were spending time in the pool, and tomorrow we'll watch So You Think You Can Dance at Karla's house. Megan comes home on Friday and my mom bought me $70 perfume yesterday. I haven't paid for many of my own meals in the past week.
In short... I love Plano.
I did a lot of learning while I was at Elon, and I know I'll continue to learn as soon as I'm back there in the fall. And it's strange, but I've done a lot of learning since I've been home, too. I'm so so so happy to be here, but without school to distract me, some things have been on my mind. I've been with my friends every night (almost) since I've been home and it's taken me a year to learn that I'm never going to have a group of friends as good as this group ever again. We're an unstoppable force. No one that I met at school has a friendship that can...
so I started this yesterday morning when Janielle suddenly called and needed me to come jump her car. And I rediscovered it now. Except I'm sleepy and my tummy hurts, so... I'll continue this later.
c.
Monday, May 25, 2009
Home
Wow, neglect extreme... I'm home in Plano and have been for a week. It's the most wonderful thing ever. (:
I'll give a full report later this evening.
c.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
5:30 a.m.
It's 5:30 AM and I'm still not tired. Jack left about thirty minutes ago to catch some sleep before his 8 AM exam. My exam isn't until 11:30. I know I have time to nap, but I'm not tired and my mind is running one thousand miles a second. It's moving too fast to even put here what I'm feeling and want to say. Does any of this make any sense?
I'm think I'm prepared for my exam. I hope I am. My mom will be disappointed if I fail. Isn't that the saddest thing ever?
I'm gonna not be on blogger and not waste my time and do productive things instead. I just wish I had company to cutely scold me whenever I'm not doing work.
If you're reading this... what are you most looking forward to in the next few weeks? Tell me about it. And since, then, you'll be commenting anyways, what are good kitten names? I'm getting one next year.
c.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Stabby
My entire room is caving in. And somehow, I have to catch everything as it falls into boxes and bags and somehow fit almost all of that into my car... Help. ):
In other news, I'm back in Plano in five days. If I curl up in a little ball and wait instead of taking finals and doing projects and packing, will everything move faster? Will I be home sooner?
I'm not cut out to have this kind of upheaval. Everything is supposed to come my way slowly. I can do gradual change... I don't like it, but I can do it. Yet, just like always, change has a way of walking up and punching me in the face.
About to abandon this packing ritual for the library.
Feeling stabby.
c.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Safe
I just had a mini-breakdown.
Torrential crisis averted with 3 musketeers and warm sweatshirts.
c.
Mimi
23 days until more of this. (:
I love Mimi Jacobie.
Huawni in 23 days, folks.
c.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Nine
I'll be home in nine days. That's right.. Plano in nine days.
To try and get my mind off of all the things that must be accomplished by next Saturday, I'm instead going to concentrate on all of the things I want to do in the seventeen days I'm home before I leave for Huawni.
-Stalk PCA Juniors, Sophomores, Freshman and Faculty since they'll still be in class when I get home.
-Bring Medora food to school for lunch because my sister's awesome.
-Late night Starbucks talks.
-Family dinner with my lifegroup family <3
-Snow Cone Lady
-Pei Wei
-Mi Cocina
-Photoshoot in Arbor Hills
-GRADUATION! (tear-inducing)
-Gooey's/Paciugo AHH
-SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE
-Lake trip please.
-Sprinkles
-Cupcake making
-Charlie Bartlett with Janielle and whomever chooses to join us.
-Dinner and family nights with Momma and Medora
-TWIN FAMILY DINNER
-Girl's night please
-Bowdon clean-up project with Kyndal/Cassidy
-Cafe Brazil
-Nights where we all (and you know who you are) get together with no plans at the Hollabaughs/Karlas/Hayleys/whenever, wherever, and everything is somehow absolutely the best ever.
I miss you guys so much. Nine days. It's making me teary-eyed thinking about how much I miss my PCA kids and how awesome it's going to be to see them again.
c.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Freshman
I am still so swamped with work. However, I'll take a little break now during theatre to write to you guys.
My freshman year of college is over in nine days. Completely and totally over. I'll be 1/4th of the way through college. If I wanted to be inappropriate here, I'd say, "Holy shi..." This terrifies/excites/befuddles me in ways that are far too complicated to attempt to explain on a blog. This year has held so many things... it's been the year of biggest change in my life. So, without further ado, my freshman year...
My freshman year of college, I...
...made a mess of this room more often than it was clean, but had the faces of everyone I love plastered ALL over the walls.
...lost possession of this hat for three months when Jack stole it and loved my roommate Jenna and bestie Alaina.
...somehow became even more of an indie kid than I already am.
...welcomed this bright bundle of joy into my life and into the world, my baby brother, Rylan.
...did some crazy things with the people in my hall first semester, until we all unfortunately went our separate ways for the most part.
...became Firefly's most photographed model, and had my face plastered on the walls in a high-fashion boutique.
...got in over my head with this boy.
...got hit by fifty million snowballs in my first real snow day.
...tried sledding and failed.
...rediscovered the eighties and a whole new meaning to the song "You Can Have Whatever You Like."
...got bit by a vampire and saw Twilight at midnight. More than once.
....became good friends with the cute lady in the middle. (:
...was beyond frustrated at work, but still somehow fell in love with about a hundred little black kids.
...did some things I really should have never done.
...wore headbands and spent more than one hippie moment out on that lawn.
...fell absolutely in love with A.B.C.
...missed my sister. A lot.
...changed in ways that I'd always wanted to change but was too afraid to try.
...dyed my hair progressively lighter and lighter. And finally, returned to blonde.
...lost weight that I couldn't afford to lose and was sick a lot.
...misplaced every pair of sunglasses I ever possessed and colored with chalk a lot.
... liked him way more than I should.
...visited Savannah four times and loved this fantastic boy!
...got in more physical fights than anyone I know, and was told by Brad that I'm simply naturally aggressive, even though I break myself every time I fight.
...stopped having panic attacks.
...colored this jacket with Jack and rediscovered the scene kid side of me.
...said things that I never should have said and hurt him a lot.
...spent a lot of time in the WSOE radio station.
...learned the hand motions to "I'm the world's GREATEST" and performed them.. a million times.
...visited Ben at Liberty with the Hollabaughs to avoid a painful Valentine's day on campus.
...was apart from my best friend in the whole entire world longer than we'd ever, ever been apart from one another.
...bought a onesie and wore it in the snow.
...spent time in the woods with Alexa.
...got this ridiculous face a lot and was blissfully happy for the first time since summer.
...promised him something in exchange for this that I don't regret one bit.
...was an outlaw fairy.
...dressed up scary and bloody with my roommate for the haunted house.
...terrified some children.
...wore this shirt more often than him.
...bought a butterfly net.
...experienced fall for the first time.
...got a visit from my best friend for my birthday!
...danced when I was supposed to be playing kickball.
...found my new roommate in the best orientation group ever.
...developed a HUGE crush on the lead singer of Boys Like Girls.
...danced my heart out all the time.
...reinforced my crush on Shaant from Cute Is What We Aim For.
...went to like five or six concerts that differ quite a lot from the concerts I went to in Plano.
...fell in love with the group of boys that bought me this cake.
...got offered alcohol at Olive Garden on my nineteenth birthday.
...taught everyone I know the hustle.
...healed a broken heart, sliced the seams a few times, but ultimately discovered I'm still learning how to be completely happy... all while still getting hurt physically more than anyone I know.
...healed a broken heart, sliced the seams a few times, but ultimately discovered I'm still learning how to be completely happy... all while still getting hurt physically more than anyone I know.
...missed/needed/wanted these people more than I expected. I'm slowly starting to realize how ultimately, completely blessed I was in high school. No group of people will ever be the same to me as lifegroup. I now know they embodied perfection.
...discovered KELLY.
...made one of my best friends at Elon after she had participated in a Tour de Franzia when she bought me a pizza.
....wished I spent more time with Laura.
...broke my best friends computer, amongst hundreds of my own posessions.
...spent a lot of time in this room.
...knew that this spoon was very very important.
...spent a crazy weekend in this cabin with my ten favorite Elon-ites.
...gained a wonderful, wonderful best friend, even though neither of us deserves to be each other's best friend.
Plano in eleven days. More later. It's work time.